"The SPC Brian Patrick Shaver Story"

Monday, May 09, 2005

Pamela Smith

Destination - "War Zone"

Brian left today for Base. There will be one last opportunity for me to hug him again before he goes to Iraq. I'm hoping God will make a way for me to be there for that hug.

I wait.

I didn't tell Brian, but, I love him SO much that, when I was 5 months pregnant with him, I went back to school and got my G.E.D so I could give him a better life. I stayed at the school for 9 hours and then walked five city blocks to catch a ride with my Dad back to my house. Sometimes, it would rain........................... 

 Thursday, May 19, 2005

Pamela Smith

In Country

Brian is now IN COUNTRY. He has managed to email me, and call. I'd like to know WHY the US does not provide FREE phone service for our Troops. Maybe I'll make it my mission to get the US to do just that. Mothers, we can be REAL..."Mothers"...sometimes. *sly grin*

He said it is hot as hell over there. I wrote him a short story:

Dragons breath blows from the East. The Slayer stands tall as possible in the sand as it attempts to dine on him, but manages only to taste the sole of his boots. His eyes are shaded from the burning rays of sun through thick black goggles as he watches the sand burn under the breath of the Dragon. It's heat rising in waves like a waterfall in reverse. Sweat trickles down the Slayers cheek and joins it's brothers on his chest, continuing down, soaking his shirt all the way to his wasteband. His weapon lay heavy on his arm. He longs for nightfall. He looks toward Home.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Pamela Smith

How do I love thee? Let me count the "GREYS".

Brian has been calling me, keeping in touch. I worry.

"HI Mom! I'm sitting on top of a metal building guarding a Bridge. We found eight IED's today"...

It took me a while to figure out what IED stands for (Improvised Explosive Device). It has taken me days to stop shaking. I am grateful to GOD for giving Mothers an invisible and permanent umbilical cord to our children. It bleeds when something is wrong with our children. I keep my finger on Brians, like one would when feeling a fishing line for a fish bite. I have not dreamed of him yet.

How does one cram a lifetime of "I love you"'s into a five minute phone call?

I can remember the softness of the curls on top of his little head.

I know the exact moment when I last was allowed to kiss his little lips.

A Mother's arms really DO ache for their children.

Come home safe and soon, Son. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Pamela Smith

The next sound you hear...

will be me screaming...

I can no longer speak with my son. He is "out of range" of the cell phone. He did send me an email though, telling me he was 75 yards from an IED when it went off. No injuries, unless you can count the part of my heart that died from the news.

I cannot begin to imagine what it is like over there for him. I can only remember the days past, his childhood, and try to remain sane.

"I wish I could just hit something!" Malyn, Steel Magnolias

Brian was one of those children who was reared without the use of toy soldiers. I wonder if anyone has considered doing a study of that kind of thing? 

Monday, July 11, 2005

Pamela Smith

The Silence is too loud.

I'm used to hearing his voice on a daily basis. I need to hear it. I want to hear, HEAR, him smile. I'm on the home soil trying to keep my chin up, feeling so helpless, wishing it was me standing over there in his boots. He has a whole life ahead of him, mine is nearly over. It should be me.

I have found that, as time passes, people around me seem to forget where Brian is. They forget he is risking his life, serving his country, carrying on an American Tradition of being proud to stand and fight for a cause, and if not for a *cause* everyone agree's with, for his Country.

I don't expect any of the members of my maternal family to write to him. History tends to repeat itself. Brians brown eyes made him an outcast just like mine did. Screw them, those people. They are the kind of humans who make me ashamed to be of the same species.

These days, even though I know God is with me, I feel as if he isn't really paying attention. Well, as long as he is distracted because he is watching over Brian, it's alright. If I slip off into the dark night, I do so knowing God's watching over my baby.

~ ~ ~ ~

The rain that falls upon my face
removes my tears and leaves no trace

It doesnt wash away the pain
it trys but it's efforts are in vain

Each cold wet touch of every drop
makes my heart beat or it would stop

If lightening strikes me, let me be
death is the only way that I'll be free. 

Friday, August 05, 2005

Pamela Smith and SPC Brian P. Shaver

WAR! huh...Good God Y'all...

From the livejournal of Specialist Brian P. Shaver:

"My days are like this: wake-up and roll out the gate. Push through the mission which has no time schedule but its spent in 120 degree weather for most of the day and I am the turret gunner, so yeah, I'm fried.

We run two or three missions a day. PMCS vehicles, weapons, sensitive items. Weapons maitenance, shower if you aren't too tired. Foot care is a real big one! Then its just downtime. Trying to unwind. I usually get to bed around 2300/0000. I average roughly three hours of sleep a day. I've grown accustomed to it.

The kicker is this; the whole time the insurgents are shooting, mortaring or trying to blow us up. Some days there are lulls and we may not get much action. After every raid though they double and triple up. Yesterday I was in the turret pulling security and I hear this "whoosh" then a "boom." It was an RPG being fired at our convoy."

Those words sent a chill down my spine. GOD help them if my son is injured, or worse yet, killed. God help the Insurgents. God help those in power to better arm the Humvees who sit on their asses waiting for the right paperwork (just stick that M-60 up a colon or two boys). God help the ones who put my baby over there in the first place. Sound like treason? Yes. IS it treason? No...It's just a warning, a visual documentation of the war that will be fought on the home soil if those "Powers that Be" don't get off their oiled asses and end this. End this. END this. End THIS. NOW!

THIS is what YOU get when you take the arms away from your citizens America. THIS is what you get when you invite foreigners to train in this country without making them become a US Citizen. NO MORE SHORT TERM CITIZENSHIPS!

(And, Jane, Dear...keep your "gook" loving, ass sucking betraying self in the shadows where it belongs, you traitor bitch. The ONLY words I want to hear cross your lips are "Please forgive me for being such an idiot" and "May I have my passport to Vietnam now")

I'm too freakin mad right now to grace you with my presence.

Here... ~~~~~ Thats a flock of birds (the FINGER). Sit on them a while. 

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Pamela Smith

Whispers from the Frontline...

AOL NEWS 08/07/05

"Minutes later, insurgents at a fourth location fired two rocket-propelled grenades and a mortar round at another Iraqi army post in southern Baghdad. None of the rounds caused any damage, the U.S. statement said.

Over the next two hours, insurgents tried to launch further attacks on the two Iraqi army posts but were driven off by U.S. and Iraqi fire, the statement added.

U.S. troops suffered no casualties, but six insurgents were killed and 12 were captured in the fighting, according to the military.

In recent weeks, U.S. officials have said the insurgents had started using so-called "swarm" tactics - coordinating multiple attacks and firing from several locations - against coalition forces."

Words from my son last night did not make me rest easy. Although, it was good to hear his sweet voice, I sensed weariness, confusion, and disbelief.

I'll spend time sending out some kneemail today. 

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Pamela Smith

Trembling is a lot like an IED exploding...

close by.

Over the past few days I have had mixed reports about my sons situation in Iraq. I HATE this and will NEVER allow mis-information to guide my feelings ever again.

My son was injured during an attack the other day. He suffered some schrapnel and road asphalt (debris) hits, and seems to be deaf in one ear. The one thing he didn't mention to me was his involvement in retreiving the body of a fallen comrade. GOD be with the family of that Soldier. My heart breaks for them. I count each and every one of those boys over there as one of my own. When they bleed, so do I. When they die, I mourn for them.

I have to find my place of Peace when the world crumbles down around me. It seems lately that has been a hard place to find. Just the other day Brian was on my mind so strong that I sat down at this computer at intervals during the day and wrote him a long, LONG email in notepad. The email included all that I had done during the day, how I felt, what I wondered about what he was doing. I try to keep those emails short (I totally SUCK at writing snail mail) but that day, it was a very long email.

I cried for hours about Brian being injured. One part of me hoping he wasn't hurt too badly, the other side hoping it was enough to send him home. I'd lose what remains of my mind if my son came home in a body bag.

Ok, I am off to locate a photo of a PIG, and make images for Tshirts and other stuff for Cafe Press. I'll post that link..right...here...

BRIAN...Momma loves you more than all the raindrops that have ever kissed the Sea. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Pamela Smith

Just the Facts Ma'am.

Did you know that 47 countries have reestablished their embassies
in Iraq?

Did you know that the Iraqi government currently employs 1.2
million Iraqi people?

Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated, 364 schools
are under rehabilitation, 263 schools are now under construction and 38
new schools have been built in Iraq?

Did you know that Iraq's higher educational structure consists of
20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges and 4 research centers, all
currently operating?

Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the United States
in January 2005 for the re-established Fulbright program?

Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational?! They have 5-
100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and a naval infantry regiment.

Did you know that Iraq's Air Force consists of three operational
squadrons, which includes 9 reconnaissance and 3 US C-130 transport
aircraft (under Iraqi operational control) which operate day and night,
and will soon add 16 UH-1 helicopters and 4 Bell Jet Rangers?

Did you know that Iraq has a counter-terrorist unit and a
Commando Battalion?

Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over 55,000 fully
trained and equipped police officers?

Did you know that there are 5 Police Academies in Iraq that
produce over 3500 new officers each 8 weeks?

Did you know there are more than 1100 building projects going on
in Iraq? They include 364 schools, 67 public clinics, 15 hospitals, 83
railroad stations, 22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69
electrical facilities.

Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age of 5 have
received the first 2 series of polio vaccinations?

Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were enrolled in
primary school by mid October?

Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in
Iraq and phone use has gone up 158%?

Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that consists of
75 radio stations, 180 newspapers and 10 television stations?

Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened in June of
2004?

Did you know that 2 candidates in the Iraqi presidential election
had a televised debate recently?

OF COURSE WE DIDN'T KNOW!

WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW? OUR MEDIA WOULDN'T TELL US!

That's because the media is too occupied with Jackson, runaway
bride, Aruba,etc etc claiming that we demand that stuff everyday.

Just what are they going to pound to death next when the Aruba
thing ends.

Instead of reflecting our love for our country, we get photos of
flag burning incidents at Abu Ghraib and people throwing snowballs at the
presidential motorcades.

The lack of accentuating the positive in Iraq serves two
purposes. It is intended to undermine the world's perception of the United
States thus minimizing consequent support, and it is intended to
discourage American citizens.

Above facts are verifiable on the Department of Defense web site.

http://www.defenselink.mil/srch/docView?c=8268333F54379065&dk=http://www.defendamerica.mil/downloads/MNFI-Year-in-Review_2004-Fact-Sheets.pdf 

Sunday, September 04, 2005
In the words of Ben Stein;

Ben Stein's Last Column...


How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is "eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.

It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's, while better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars. I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie. But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will be again.


Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all look up to.

How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.

They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.

A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and killed him.

A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.

I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.

There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament...the policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery; the teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children; the kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.

Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea of a real hero.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin...or Martin Mull or Fred Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.


Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
By Ben Stein 

 Friday, October 07, 2005

Pamela Smith

Homecoming

.

Brian was injured bt an IED.  He survived physically.

On September 30, Brian and his brothers were in their quarters when a Mortar penetrated their roof. Brian told me he had some burns on his back. His CO says he took shrapnel. Brian is on his way home.

I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pamela Smith

The NERVE of some...

people who are in dire need of getting laid.

My son was questioned about MY posts on MY blog being detrimental to the war in Iraq. It seems the powers that be find it more important to take my son through an Inquisition about MY blog, something he has no control over (simply because I reported what I had HEARD ON THE LOCAL RADIO STATIONS) than it is to ask about his welfare!

Well, now hear this you bunch of single brain celled slack jawed idiots:

From YOUR "The Lightening Bolt" (It says FREE MAIL: please forward to your Family and Friends)- Vol. 1 Issue 6, page 4:

"Camp Striker, Iraq

On August 4, in the early morning darkness, Soldiers from Company (X - MY edit), actively participated in Operation Able Warrior, a coordinated operation to capture and sieze suspected terrorist operators of explosive devices."

Compared to my words about my son being injured, I'd say you have operatives reporting YOUR every move, and by golly, they didn't BLOG it, they printed it out and inadvertedly sent it to ...IRAQUIES!!!!!

All the whoopla over my little blog post about my son getting hit by an IED is NOTHING compared to what this Government approved Magazine puts out there.

The moral of the story is:

The next time you want to call a Soldier down for something his Mom Blogged, something that she had heard on the news, why don't you skip the Inquisition and ask the fighting Soldiers HOW THEY ARE HOLDING UP? The angle of their caps, the position of their collars...don't mean SHIT. Ask if his gun is firing ok. Ask if his Humvee is FULLY ARMORED. Ask if he would like to kneel in prayer.

Don't piss off us VOCAL MOM'S because, frankly, you don't scare me one bit. But if you show such stupidity again, and my son gets hurt, or worse yet, killed...I gareentee you that the Million Man March and the March on Washington over Vietnam will look like a freakin Macy's Day Parade compared to what us US Mother's will do.

WE vote.

WE love without reserve...and the most dangerous place on this planet is between a Mother and her Children.

No Threat. A PROMISE.

Color me "Screaming Mad".

January 13, 2006

PVT Brian P. Shaver

So as I look back at this past year of my life, I genuflect on the occurrences that have placed me where I am today. I really can't explain how blessed I feel. I have my life and my closest friends still with me.

Our journey has been perilous yet rewarding. We have served our country well. We were placed in the "Triangle of Death" and we kicked ass. We had boys grow into men in a handful of days.

We had men suffer injurie's. We all have scars. We all lived. Soon we'll return home. Our families will rejoice at our coming. Things will try to return to normal. We soldiers will weep at our parting but be glad in our homecoming.

"It is good that war is so terrible, else we should grow too fond of it." GEN. R.E. LEE

 Sunday, January 22, 2006

Pamela Smith

HBO Documentary causes THINK.

I'm watching a documentary on HBO about an Iraqi citizen returning home after 13 years. I hear the reporters and people express their discomfort with the Americans...

While watching this, I noticed the American gunny in a humvee. I notice that there are no strips of metal to create a barrier to protect the gunny like my son has on his Humvee. I want to know who is responsible for not paying as close attention to that little, life saving, detail as me. Here, take a look at the pictures too see what I mean:

This is a shot of the Humvee after an attack....not just ANY humvee...my sons.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/xtremebamafan/detail?.dir=/be4c&.dnm=58e7.jpg&.src=ph

Notice the chunks of asphalt laying on the hood. My son was protected by that sheet of metal welded to the top of the humvee to protect him. This is NOT "Army Standard"...I want to know "Why?".

I am going to have to do some research on this. I'll create a contact list and get these Humvee's updated and armed. *Rolls up sleeves* I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Pamela Smith

UN...believable.

Who is Osama Bin Laden? Read this:

Sponsored by US and Pakistan

His power is founded on a personal fortune earned by his family's construction business in Saudi Arabia.

He received security training from the CIA itself, according to Middle Eastern analyst Hazhir Teimourian.

I'd sum up the presence of Bin Laden as a "boil on the butt of humanity" but that gives him far too much credit. He is pond scum. He's like a flea on a Camels back...there, but barely worth washing the camel for. I wish the Coalition Forces would find him. When they do, it will serve to cut off the monetary supply to the Insurgents. It will NOT, however, end the holy war against the US and Jews.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Pamela Smith and SPC Brian P. Shaver

Troubled Times

I heard from my son in an email. I can feel his heartache and disappointment. I told him:"Not one of the Troops died in vain, nor were the injured wounded without merit. If nothing else, they suffered because they stood strong behind their Nation, and that makes you ALL "Hero's". " I pray God brings him peace.

"After 3 months of fighting in Al-Yusifiya, our old Area of Operation where we received 107 IED's, 215 mortars and were attacked by insurgent forces on August 5th, the 101st Airborne Division lost the factory that held the town to a fire.

We have lostYusifiya.

Yusifiya lies in the heart of the Sunni Death Triangle 10miles southwest of Baghdad. We lost Spc. Michael Stokely in defense of that town. We had to send SSG Ingram, SGT. Cooper, SPC Keenum and a plethera of good, hard, fighting men home broken from injuries in defense of that town and on the hunt for terrorists. Al-Yusifiya was ordained the most deadly place in Iraq throughout both wars while we were there.

It is a sad day for us. We bled on that ground. We lost our friends. I feel sick and sad. God be with us and those who must re-take Al-Yusifiya. God be with those who will feel the wrath of justice and liberty when they come to claim what is theirs'.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Pamela Smith

From Hero to Zero

This has been an experience. I have felt every emotion a Mother could, and then some. My child was in danger, immediate danger, and I had no control over the situation. He's lived his whole life that way. I'm not surprised that he has faired well through it all.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Pamela Smith

My Operation Iraqi Freedom Soldier is dead.

Brian died on July 31st, just a few short weeks after he returned from Iraq.
I'll update this blog as the events unfold to bring Justice for Brian.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Pamela and SPC Brian P. Shaver

The End of a Journey

It seems that I began this blog so that I could communicate with my son while he was in Iraq. Since Brian has come back from Iraq, and since now he is dead. I close this Journal with these words:

"As for me, I have been through a lot in this past year.

I am nearing the end of a journey.

God sent me on this journey to find His purpose for me. It was a success.
I've never felt more empowered or alive as I do now. All things are possible.

The doors have been swung wide, the flood gates opened.
Life is a fleeting thing.
Let it flourish.
I have no more questions as to my abilities. No questions of my confidence.

My knowledge has been proven.

My faith is a rock solid platform from which I can build upon.
God has put me here to help people. I'm here to make life better for every soul.
I will be a success at this mission for God has me covered. "

SPFC Brian Patrick Shaver, January 13, 2006
Yusafia, Iraq

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Pamela Smith

Remembering my son, SPC Brian P Shaver.

In his memory, I begin my quest to bring public awareness to the plight of Homeless Veterans, and those in need of Medical Assistance, across America.


Please visit his new website at http://www.brianpshaver.com



Remembering - SPC Brian Patrick Shaver 1977 - 2006

 
Please sign the Petition

Help bring our Soldier Home to his Ancestral Burial Ground.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/help-bring-him-home

Just the fact that "I KNOW" delivers me.